


when the wind howls

by Milieu



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Depression, F/F, Free Verse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Second Person, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milieu/pseuds/Milieu
Summary: The making and breaking of a moirallegiance.





	when the wind howls

your moirallegiance was forged on rocky shores, volcanic glass, and her hand always in yours to steady you

madiri

she was beautiful and wild, spoke out of turn, her sharp-toothed grin and know-it-all smile

and you knew you would always be together

you scratched her name into a branch of your hive, surrounded by diamonds

lycris osiria and madiri curzon, best friends forever, pale as bones and stars

people told you that you were aiming too high

that even someone like you could never provide for a seadweller

and you laughed them off and breathed in the salt scent of her hair and kissed her just behind the earfin

and the world was beautiful and perfect until she really began to trust you

do you know what it's like,

when your life revolves around keeping someone happy and stable

and all you hear over and over again is how they want to die?

do you know what it  _does_ to you?

night after night

after night after night after night

until you, pale as you are, begin to break

and you cry and beg her to stop

tell all the people you promised you never would because you have to admit

you can't help her

maybe they were right

and you were aiming too high

and one evening you realize that you're still paler for her than you could ever imagine being for anyone else, but you dread speaking to her

it takes a long time afterwards to work up the courage to say anything, but that moment of realization is the moment that it is over

madiri took you by the hand and taught you to swim, and now she is drowning you

you pass on the message to people who can do more to help than you can.

you cut off contact.

you hide.

you curl up with your lusus and watch the rain drip through the branches crisscrossing the ceiling of your hive

storms always soothed you

you communicate only with sabela, that weird girl who lives in a cave

sabela, the first one you turned to in the midst of a meltdown

you go to visit her and she hums and makes bad jokes and threads tiny, luminescent cavern flowers into your hair

she is lower than you, and far lower than madiri, but she is bigger than both of you and stronger than at least you

she is warmer than you are used to

she has listened to you cry

you bring her flowers of your own, collecting the least-bruised blooms from the ground where the recent storms tore them from the branches

you bring her the down your lusus has shed, to keep her cave warm as the nights grow colder

you know what these things  _could_ mean, but you're unsure of what they  _do_ mean

you hear from madiri.

she is alive.

she has a matesprite now. he is sweet and kind and his blood is just as purple as hers.

you tell her that you are happy for her, and you are

you really are

and a weight is lifted from your shoulders

but you're also swallowing back bitterness.

it makes sense in some way that she would get better just in time to love somebody else.

you walk to sabela's in the middle of a downpour, and she makes tea from the flowers you brought her

you can't see the stars tonight but you know that they are as pale as ever

you don't voice anything, not tonight, but you drink your tea and curl up in the cocoon with sabela

for the first time in a long time, you do not dream, and you are relieved.


End file.
